The Destroyer (Part 5: 7 Types of Inner Critic)
Hello Friendly Reader,
This week we’re addressing the inner destroyer. This is the voice that shames you and makes you feel flawed and undeserving of basic understanding and respect.
As a kid I witnessed this destroyer take over my parents from time to time. It would crush everything beautiful and good. I vowed to never let it destroy me.
For decades I fought to keep the inner destroyer in check! I noticed that when this or any of the inner critics are in charge there is no room for creativity.
At some point in my creative journey I learned to separate the destroyer from the inner creative. I gave the creative part of me a place to imagine and create! I reassured the destroyer that it would get to work soon enough. I promised it I’d give it a place to destroy.
For 10 years I created a magic world with evil destructive forces and when my inner destroyer felt out of control I gave it a place to destroy. I let it desecrate civilizations I built, characters I created, and I thought I could keep it from harming me.
But the Destroyer is one of the most destructive inner critics and it got to me. After a decade of writing more than 300,000 words and 3 rough draft novels of what I called, The Gateway Series, I had a panic attack. I spent 2 years immersed in the series with tunnel vision and I came out lost, lonely, and mentally unwell. For my mental health I had to let it go, but I wasn’t ready. I held on for a few more years, kept forcing myself to get the first draft of Book 1 done. When I finished it, I wasn’t satisfied. I was depressed. I was exhausted and I didn’t want to see it again, for a long time. So I let it rest.
I focused on my life and my wellness. With the help of a phenomenal therapist I convinced my inner destroyer that we deserve love, and a family and a safe home in a beautiful place. I’m still convincing it we can have all of this and be a writer. Hence, my substack!
In the meantime, I’m letting the destroyer believe it has obliterated decades of the magical world we built. After all, The Gateway Series and The Gateway Trilogy are now novels written by other authors. But I know the books are still there, waiting for my return, when I am ready, and a new title will emerge.
I will get back to the novel series, when I am back to sleeping regularly. When my children aren’t in my full time care. When I can enter the magical realm and return to reality without tunnel vision. One day I will find the balance and I will finish my books.
I share this story as a way to share a glimpse at living a creative life. If it doesn’t feel good to create, let it rest. If you need a place for your destroyer to have an outlet, give it a creative outlet; writing, painting, sculpting, knitting, collaging, there are so many ways to be creative. Give yourself the time and space to create if that’s something that is calling to you.
Have a blessed week.
Love Always,
Danielle Mallett
*If you’re just beginning this series with me, and you’d like to go back to the beginning you can check out my substack links 7 Types of Inner Critics , The Guilt Tripper, The Perfectionist, or The Underminder. Or click through my blog. If you subscribe through substack you’ll never miss a post from me.
